In the plethora of tasks that I accomplished today I managed to cut the lawn.
You and I both know what cutting the lawn means....
It means I get to see those free-loading bastards Bob and Steve, the spider loving couple that has taken to shacking up in my shed.
I did a quick knock on the shed door with my foot before entering... the last thing I wanted to do was walk in on Bob and Steve doing it. Hot Male Spider Lovin' is not my type of thing... I'm not judging... it's just not my thing.
As I pulled out the lawnmower, I noticed it was covered with the usual twenty to thirty different kind of spiders... they all ran when they seen me... the only two that don't run are Bob and Steve.
As I was starting the mower, something caught my eye on the ground right next to one of the wheels...
"hi jason"...
"Oh - shit!! Hi Steve... what the hell are you doing sneaking up on me like that?"
"well - I was on the inside of the door napping, then I heard this giant bang on the door and I went flying through the air and landed on the couch."
"the couch?"
"yeah - this big green couch..."
"Oh - you think the lawnmower is a couch. How funny..."
"it is our couch... there's nothing funny about it. you rented us this place furnished... then you took away our bedroom and bathroom."
"What?"
"the box??? and the boots???"
".... the box... hmmm... Oh the old garbage that I cleaned out of here a while back... got it! Wait - what do you mean the boots were your bathroom?!?!? Damn it, Steve!!! Those were my workboots!"
"well - Bob and I left you a little surprise..."
"anyway Steve... I need to cut the lawn with your couch... so if you don't mind I'll just get started."
It took me a second to look back down and realize that Steve was doing a little camo trick where he would blend in with the rocks.... and then I figured he must be doing that because he was preparing to overtake me and grab my keys... they would then be able to get in the house and take the truck for rides whenever they wanted....
Screw that!! They don't even have money for gas.... they aren't using my truck!!
With a swift downward motion I layed my size thirteen shoe directly over top of Steve and pounded him into the rock.
That's when I felt my ankle twist and before I knew it my face was in the rain sprinkled grass....
As I looked back Steve had my leg bent at the knee and was coming up for the kill.
I swatted backwards with my right arm and missed.
Steve managed to get me in a half-nelson.
Luckily watching all the UFC events I was able to defend this position well and break away from his hold.
I stared him down and told him it was just him and I and we were going to end this... one of us would not survive to see tomorrow...
I pulled out my nunchucks and started towards him....
Just then I heard him yell....
"BOB!!!!"
Oh crap!! Not Bob.... anyone but Bob!!!
Although paralyzed by the thought of Bob now coming out, I had to take my shot. With Steve's back turned to me I leapt into the air... at least eight feet... maybe more... :)
On the way down it was a direct hit. I dragged the foot back to be sure, loaded up the gun and fired twice just to be sure.
It was over... Steve was gone...
"What the fuck is all the commotion out here!", Bob shouted.
"Oh ... Uh... Hey Bob!! How's it going buddy?!"
"It WAS going great - until I was woken up when I heard Steve shouting for me.... where is my bitch?"
"Steve? Haven't seen him..."
"What? I just heard him shouting for me... and you're out here - don't feed me a line of bullshit."
"Oh ... Steve!! Yeah... I mean ... I did see him. He was shouting to you because he saw the .... uh... spider circus ...."
"What the hell are you talking about Jason?"
"You know... the spider circus.. they come buy every once in a while to gather up the most talented spiders and take them on the road to perform in front of millions! You know as well as I do Steve had a great voice and ... well Bob... you didn't treat him that well... maybe he was fed up?"
"Bullshit! There is no such thing as a spider circus you dumbass."
"...."
"If Steve is not back home tonight I'm going to call the spider police and have a search party sent out looking for him.", Bob said.
"So - there is a spider police squad?"
"Of course... moron!"
"Ok - well I hope you find him Bob... if I see him while I'm cutting the lawn I'll be sure to tell him that you're looking for him..."
"You better... and hurry up and get that couch back to me... I'm planning on watching some TV tonight and I'm getting tired of you taking the shit we're paying for..."
"Bob you don't even pay re.... ah nevermind. Ok - see you Bob!!"
Hopefully Bob won't stumble across the remains... I put them in a little matchbox and buried them out behind the garage.
If you think that was overkill - then obviously you haven't met Bob. I almost attached a little rock to the matchbox and put him at the bottom of Sugarloaf Lake so that Bob wouldn't find him...
Oh well - so if Bob asks.... Steve moved out!!
Monday, June 29, 2009
Everything!
Today was a pretty busy day - but exactly the type I really enjoy.
Work was work - let's not talk about that.
At 4pm I had my guitar lesson in A2... I'm currently working on "Comfortable" by John Mayer and it's very cool to learn just how talented of a player Mayer is....
I left the lesson, came back to work for a bit, then headed over to the Ann Arbor Adobe User Group (FlashFocused) Monthly meeting. Good stuff! I haven't showed up in quite a while and it was nice to think "web" again. I'll soon be slingin' some web and digging back in to check out what's new on that front since I've been away.
After that I headed home and cranked up the lawnmower. This meant I had to go into the shed... I'll post about the adventure there right after this one.
Got the lawn cut just as it started to rain... finished while it was raining... neighbors thought I was crazy, but that's ok.
Headed in the house, grabbed up all my laundry that has been looking like the leaning tower of pisa, did two full loads.
Changed the vacuum bag - cranked it up and cleaned through the house.
Hopped into the office and burned to new karaoke CD's full of songs.
Moved into the second living room and tested them out.
Drafted up a post to put up at work for a roommate... I think it started out with something like "Large chested single female wanted for roommate. Must enjoy sexy parties at least three times a week and not be afraid of seeing me cleaning the house in just my Nacho Libre mask..." Don't worry - I re-read the post and realized that this was completely horrible so I've modified it some and took out the Nacho Libre reference. :)
Picked up the guitar and have managed to get some good practice in... now I'll finish this next post and head off to bed.
Totally unrelated to this post I had a weird dream last night where my cousin's fiance cheated on him with me. Totally weird. You didn't really need to know this... damn it... ok ... at some point I'm going to make a new rule about not leaving the unfiltered crap that flows out of my brain on the blog.... until then... enjoy... or be disgusted... either way, focus on the emotion, own it and go with it. :)
Till next time - Peace, Love and Comfy Chaps!
Work was work - let's not talk about that.
At 4pm I had my guitar lesson in A2... I'm currently working on "Comfortable" by John Mayer and it's very cool to learn just how talented of a player Mayer is....
I left the lesson, came back to work for a bit, then headed over to the Ann Arbor Adobe User Group (FlashFocused) Monthly meeting. Good stuff! I haven't showed up in quite a while and it was nice to think "web" again. I'll soon be slingin' some web and digging back in to check out what's new on that front since I've been away.
After that I headed home and cranked up the lawnmower. This meant I had to go into the shed... I'll post about the adventure there right after this one.
Got the lawn cut just as it started to rain... finished while it was raining... neighbors thought I was crazy, but that's ok.
Headed in the house, grabbed up all my laundry that has been looking like the leaning tower of pisa, did two full loads.
Changed the vacuum bag - cranked it up and cleaned through the house.
Hopped into the office and burned to new karaoke CD's full of songs.
Moved into the second living room and tested them out.
Drafted up a post to put up at work for a roommate... I think it started out with something like "Large chested single female wanted for roommate. Must enjoy sexy parties at least three times a week and not be afraid of seeing me cleaning the house in just my Nacho Libre mask..." Don't worry - I re-read the post and realized that this was completely horrible so I've modified it some and took out the Nacho Libre reference. :)
Picked up the guitar and have managed to get some good practice in... now I'll finish this next post and head off to bed.
Totally unrelated to this post I had a weird dream last night where my cousin's fiance cheated on him with me. Totally weird. You didn't really need to know this... damn it... ok ... at some point I'm going to make a new rule about not leaving the unfiltered crap that flows out of my brain on the blog.... until then... enjoy... or be disgusted... either way, focus on the emotion, own it and go with it. :)
Till next time - Peace, Love and Comfy Chaps!
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Adventures in Spiderville
Today has been mildly productive. The lawn was still really wet so I decided to tackle the cleaning of the shed. I had accidentally thrown some garbage bags in there last year and the cats that live in the shed sometimes tore them open. Little bastards! If they weren't so cute .... yeah ... I wouldn't do anything - I'm a sucker for animals.
So I started to clean out the shed and I heard -
"Hey! What do you think you're doing?"
I won't lie - I jumped... I looked around - nobody was there... so I continued picking up the garbage and re-bagging it.
"Hey! What the hell do you think you're doing?" rang again.... this time in a more stern voice... so I decided to answer.
"I'm cleaning my fuckin' shed. Who the hell are you to tell me what I can and can't do...?", I asked as if I was having a conversation with someone that wasn't there....
"Bob!"
I thought to myself... "Who the hell is Bob?" ... just then I heard a "look at me when I'm talking to you..."
I looked to the right and that's when I saw him. It was the same fuckin' spider that laughed at me last year when I broke the dollar store broom trying to end his life....
"Oh shit!" I thought... he's probably going to be pissed and I started to wonder if they had memories like elephants. I hope not.
I decided that I'd play it off like it was no big deal... so I struck up the conversation again.
"I'm just cleaning out the shed... the damn cats messed it up..."
"Yeah - Steve and I don't really dig those cats coming in and out of here as they please..."
"Steve?"
"Yeah - my lover."
"Steve???"
"Yeah - I'm a gay spider ... you have a fuckin' problem with that? We can settle this shit right now!"
"I remember from last year that you have very little skill when it comes to fighting... ", Bob chuckled.
Crap - he remembered.... and I was out of dollar store brooms... so I decided to try and sweet talk him.
"Dude - you spooked me last year... I wasn't trying to kill you... I was just surprised!"
Bob replied, "I was surprised when I heard the twelve year old squeal of a little girl come out of your body... you whiny bitch..."
"Well Bob, it's a pleasure to meet you - I hope to someday meet Steve"
"He's right over there...", Bob pointed with one of his massive legs.
Holy shit... he was right - there was Steve! Steve was a bit smaller than Bob, but not frickin' much!!
"I wear the pants in this family, Steve makes the webs"...
"Well Steve - you've done a beautiful job with the place!"
"Thanks! It's taken me a while...", Steve said.
"Ok guys - well I'm just going to clean up and I'll be out of your hair... I know what it's like when neighbors come by unannounced... TRUST ME!!"
I pulled out the lawnmower, cleaned up the rest of the shed (quickly!) and was able to get the front lawn cut.
I loaded the garbage from the shed into the garage until tomorrow morning when I'll put it out front for pick up.
That's when I noticed the bug spray on the shelf.
I thought to myself - I wonder if it would kill spiders? I picked up the sprayer and read it closely. It does kill spiders!!
Back to the shed I went with gun in hand...
"You're back?", Bob said.
I figured I'd attack Bob first, because Steve was too far in the shed and I didn't want Bob to get into a rage while I was killing his lover and try to take me out at the knees or anything...
I primed the pump and sprayed Bob. A direct hit!!
"Stop it."
What the fuck... it's not doing anything!!
"Seriously - stop it! You're pissing me off", shouted Bob...
When I realized that it was no use - I stopped and told Bob that I had heard that spiders liked water and that I was just giving him a "rinse".
He said something about not being stupid and that he could read the label ... I didn't stick around to hear the rest.
Here's a pic of the happy couple... I've highlighted them - not that I needed to..
Here's a pic of Steve chilling out...
Finally a closeup of Bob... is that an iPod he's wearing? :)
... seriously though - I'm done with the shed for today. LOL.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
I swear I'm going to get a DND sign for my front door...
As I've been busy getting stuff inside the house today, I sat down for a few a bit ago and as I was thinking of what to have for dinner - I hear a knock on the door.
Great....
Maybe I'll just sit still and they'll go away....
Again - the knock occurs and then I see the eyes of a neighbor peeking in through the window on my door.
Super - he seen me... now I have to answer.
What's great about this is I was working around the house in my sweats, no shirt.
I ponder for a second about running into my room to grab a shirt before answer the door and then I opt against that idea as I think maybe the sight of my Zeus-like body (Zeus was the god of King-Dons and Doritos, right?) will scare them into not making this mistake again....
I answer the door and give a mild flex... "Hey there, neighbor #2 - what's up?"
Neighbor #2 - "Blah, Blah, Blah - I like bugging you and shit, I'm a moron!"
Ok - so I don't really know what he said, it was something about pizza and movie and bachelor night... the point is that I wasn't interested before his intruding effin hand hit my door - so I didn't have to listen to what he was saying to know that I was going to say no and close the door.
"Thanks neighbor - I have a bunch of cleaning and other things to accomplish tonight, so I'll pass"
Neighbor #2 - "Rain Check, then? Some other time?"
I felt like saying - "Sure - next time it's raining monkey's asses, swing by and grab me - I'll bring the beer!", but I just said "Sure", which means he'll likely be back at some point.
Ohhhh well.
On a good note, I've been able to do a bunch of my inside cleaning today. Damn mother nature messin' with me. I'm hoping she gives me a good day tomorrow so that I can get the outside work done.
Great....
Maybe I'll just sit still and they'll go away....
Again - the knock occurs and then I see the eyes of a neighbor peeking in through the window on my door.
Super - he seen me... now I have to answer.
What's great about this is I was working around the house in my sweats, no shirt.
I ponder for a second about running into my room to grab a shirt before answer the door and then I opt against that idea as I think maybe the sight of my Zeus-like body (Zeus was the god of King-Dons and Doritos, right?) will scare them into not making this mistake again....
I answer the door and give a mild flex... "Hey there, neighbor #2 - what's up?"
Neighbor #2 - "Blah, Blah, Blah - I like bugging you and shit, I'm a moron!"
Ok - so I don't really know what he said, it was something about pizza and movie and bachelor night... the point is that I wasn't interested before his intruding effin hand hit my door - so I didn't have to listen to what he was saying to know that I was going to say no and close the door.
"Thanks neighbor - I have a bunch of cleaning and other things to accomplish tonight, so I'll pass"
Neighbor #2 - "Rain Check, then? Some other time?"
I felt like saying - "Sure - next time it's raining monkey's asses, swing by and grab me - I'll bring the beer!", but I just said "Sure", which means he'll likely be back at some point.
Ohhhh well.
On a good note, I've been able to do a bunch of my inside cleaning today. Damn mother nature messin' with me. I'm hoping she gives me a good day tomorrow so that I can get the outside work done.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
And three days of pain and creativity begins...
Occasionally I will find myself in a rut. I'm kind of moving along in one of those funks right now. I have a bunch of things that I need to get done around my house, I've been off track for many personal goals and I have a ton of ideas that I'd like to put into motion.
What's a boy to do?
Simple! - take a couple or three days to lock down and make progress. Make a long list (or one for each day in my case) and set priorities. Focus on your craft, one time, before you squander it like a "mindless fuckin' robot!" (thanks J.B.)
The first area of frustration revolves around not having time to do things around my house, so I'm going to bang that shit out over the next couple days. Below are some of the items on the lists relating to the house...
- Mow / Trim the yard
- Clean up / Burn Leaves
- Check foundation for wear / cracks and repair
- Clean the shed
- Clean the garage
- Take load to the dump
- Install Air Conditioner
- Arrange furniture in the front bedroom
- Strip wallpaper from bathroom
- Full Spring cleaning (windows / ceilings / top to bottom)
- Wash siding
- Spray Bug Stop around perimeter
- there's more... but I think you get the point.
The second has to do with making time for hobbies / personal interests. The list for these items has the following on it...
- Launch new apparel line, one t-shirt and hat design by EOB Friday. Most of my friends haven't heard about this - but some may have... it's just time to give it a go and see if things work out. Much more on this in the near future.
- Begin the redesign of the new TBAP website
- Practice Guitar (lots of it)
- Create basic websites for two new side projects
- Compose / Arrange / Record one new song
- One full photo shoot with the D50 (approximately 300 pics)
The third has more to do with personal goals. Items on this list include things like...
- working out each day (i have details plans for what I'd like to accomplish each day)
- rebuilding one of my computers in the office
- reading (lots of it)
So - I've taken the next three days off work and I'm planning to wake up each morning at 6am. As long as mother nature does not mess with me over the next couple days I think I'll be feeling really good about things by the start of next week.
Tonight I'll prepare with a bit of meditation, I'll try and get through some of the small items on the list and then hit the bed early thinking positive thoughts.
If I had to choose one person from my friends that would call bullshit on being able to pull this all off - it would be Valentine. :) He has been subjected to these types of lists in the past - the difference is that I'm clearing the slate to accomplish these tasks.
I'm ready...
What are you up to this week?
What's a boy to do?
Simple! - take a couple or three days to lock down and make progress. Make a long list (or one for each day in my case) and set priorities. Focus on your craft, one time, before you squander it like a "mindless fuckin' robot!" (thanks J.B.)
The first area of frustration revolves around not having time to do things around my house, so I'm going to bang that shit out over the next couple days. Below are some of the items on the lists relating to the house...
- Mow / Trim the yard
- Clean up / Burn Leaves
- Check foundation for wear / cracks and repair
- Clean the shed
- Clean the garage
- Take load to the dump
- Install Air Conditioner
- Arrange furniture in the front bedroom
- Strip wallpaper from bathroom
- Full Spring cleaning (windows / ceilings / top to bottom)
- Wash siding
- Spray Bug Stop around perimeter
- there's more... but I think you get the point.
The second has to do with making time for hobbies / personal interests. The list for these items has the following on it...
- Launch new apparel line, one t-shirt and hat design by EOB Friday. Most of my friends haven't heard about this - but some may have... it's just time to give it a go and see if things work out. Much more on this in the near future.
- Begin the redesign of the new TBAP website
- Practice Guitar (lots of it)
- Create basic websites for two new side projects
- Compose / Arrange / Record one new song
- One full photo shoot with the D50 (approximately 300 pics)
The third has more to do with personal goals. Items on this list include things like...
- working out each day (i have details plans for what I'd like to accomplish each day)
- rebuilding one of my computers in the office
- reading (lots of it)
So - I've taken the next three days off work and I'm planning to wake up each morning at 6am. As long as mother nature does not mess with me over the next couple days I think I'll be feeling really good about things by the start of next week.
Tonight I'll prepare with a bit of meditation, I'll try and get through some of the small items on the list and then hit the bed early thinking positive thoughts.
If I had to choose one person from my friends that would call bullshit on being able to pull this all off - it would be Valentine. :) He has been subjected to these types of lists in the past - the difference is that I'm clearing the slate to accomplish these tasks.
I'm ready...
What are you up to this week?
Thursday, June 4, 2009
The hottest new game in town!!
I visited a favorite local establishment and was surprised to see that the nascar pinball machine had been replaced. Don't get me wrong - I didn't play the pinball game, but it was cool to look at... :)
What was it replaced by, you ask?
Just the hottest new game in town - "BAGS"
Yup - "Bags".... aka. Cornhole.
Someone took the time to convert this outdoor game of tossing bean bags into a wooden box into a video game. Seriously.
Don't believe it? Check it out.
If you love the real game - cool. I won't knock it - I just find it interesting that on the credits screen it looks like it took a large group of programmers and other IT staff to come up with this thing.
It says "from the creators of Golden Tee" - so it doesn't surprise me that it's $1 to play!! Don't have change, no worries - there is an attached change machine that will take your twenty dollar bill.
I'm going to put some thought into making a new video game called "Bagger".
You'll start your adventure as a shopping bag clerk at Kroger and see if you can make it all the way to the "Bagger Olympics". I'm sure I'll rock at it because I won't put your fruit in with your dryer sheets and I'll double bag your milk without you needing to ask.
It will be an awesome game! Wanna play?
What was it replaced by, you ask?
Just the hottest new game in town - "BAGS"
Yup - "Bags".... aka. Cornhole.
Someone took the time to convert this outdoor game of tossing bean bags into a wooden box into a video game. Seriously.
Don't believe it? Check it out.
If you love the real game - cool. I won't knock it - I just find it interesting that on the credits screen it looks like it took a large group of programmers and other IT staff to come up with this thing.
It says "from the creators of Golden Tee" - so it doesn't surprise me that it's $1 to play!! Don't have change, no worries - there is an attached change machine that will take your twenty dollar bill.
I'm going to put some thought into making a new video game called "Bagger".
You'll start your adventure as a shopping bag clerk at Kroger and see if you can make it all the way to the "Bagger Olympics". I'm sure I'll rock at it because I won't put your fruit in with your dryer sheets and I'll double bag your milk without you needing to ask.
It will be an awesome game! Wanna play?
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Quote Of The Day
"Money doesn't give you real strength; it just keeps you comfortable while you experience your dysfunction"
- Stuart Wilde from the book "Silent Power"
- Stuart Wilde from the book "Silent Power"
Monday, May 25, 2009
Monday, Monday... Here's To Goodbye!
I'm not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. There is far too much that has to be accomplished over the next couple months. These past couple days have been nice and fairly stress free...
I'm doing what has become the normal after the past couple days, trying to play guitar, importing CD's into iTunes, watching a flick or two (just finished "Body Of Lies") and keeping inside the hizzy while my neighbors swarm around me like a freshly smacked bee hive. They are packing up their shit and getting ready to go home. I managed to not say "Hi" to one of them this weekend and I love it! I will likely only say one thing to them and that will be "get the fuck outta here" as they leave back to their full-time homes in La La Land and Whocaresville.
I did manage to setup the PA system in the front bedroom over the weekend. That means I now have the ability to have a full sound karaoke jam session whenever my heart feels like it.
Last night as the fireworks were going off on the lake, I decided to give a little noise back to the community. ;)
Don't get the wrong idea - I'm not anti-social, I just hate most people.
Anyone who has sat at a bar and had drinks with me will know that I'm not anti-social. I'm actually a social kinda guy. I'm very social with people I like... most others I just don't like - that's all.
Anyway - back to the grind. I was digging through some old TBAP recordings and found "Here's to Goodbye". I jotted down the lyrics and was a bit impressed that the song structure on this one was pretty good. The structure is A - B - C - A - B - C - D. Which translates to verse, pre-chorus, chorus, verse 2, pre-chorus, chorus, bridge. I'll call the last part a bridge, but really it's just a different part that had not been introduced in the song earlier.
Here's To Goodbye - Lyrics by Jason Nadon, Copyright 2002.
A
Looking through the looking glass of lies
Looking at a soul with dark brown eyes
The soul sits empty and alone
As you sit each night waiting by the phone
B
But it's too late for you
You already said we're through
and after all I gave to you
you gave me lies
So here's to Goodbye
Here's to Goodbye
C
Goodbye to you
and all your inconsistencies
Goodbye to you
and all the heartache that you've given me
Livin' one dream
but we can't see eye to eye
Goodbye to you
Yeah here's to goodbye
A
Walking away is much easier than it seems
Walking away the person in between
A reason to live is what I've been looking for
The reason I leave is cause I can't take this anymore
B
But it's too late for you
You already said we're through
and after all I gave to you
you gave me lies
So here's to Goodbye
Here's to Goodbye
Goodbye...
C
Goodbye to you
and all your inconsistencies
Goodbye to you
and all the heartache that you've given me
Livin' one dream
but we can't see eye to eye
Goodbye to you
Yeah here's to goodbye
Here's to goodbye
D
Don't be sad
Don't be surprised
Don't be blue
Don't even cry
Don't be sad
Don't be surprised
Don't be blue
Cause it's just goodbye
Outro
Yeah it's just goodbye
Oooh, oooh, oooh
Oooh, oooh, oooh
The song is about bird watching. I was sitting on the patio one day and had a lengthy conversation with a bird. After we spoke, the bird kicked me in the shin, drank my beer and broke my heart. I immediately went inside and wrote down these lyrics.
Damn birds! :)
I'm doing what has become the normal after the past couple days, trying to play guitar, importing CD's into iTunes, watching a flick or two (just finished "Body Of Lies") and keeping inside the hizzy while my neighbors swarm around me like a freshly smacked bee hive. They are packing up their shit and getting ready to go home. I managed to not say "Hi" to one of them this weekend and I love it! I will likely only say one thing to them and that will be "get the fuck outta here" as they leave back to their full-time homes in La La Land and Whocaresville.
I did manage to setup the PA system in the front bedroom over the weekend. That means I now have the ability to have a full sound karaoke jam session whenever my heart feels like it.
Last night as the fireworks were going off on the lake, I decided to give a little noise back to the community. ;)
Don't get the wrong idea - I'm not anti-social, I just hate most people.
Anyone who has sat at a bar and had drinks with me will know that I'm not anti-social. I'm actually a social kinda guy. I'm very social with people I like... most others I just don't like - that's all.
Anyway - back to the grind. I was digging through some old TBAP recordings and found "Here's to Goodbye". I jotted down the lyrics and was a bit impressed that the song structure on this one was pretty good. The structure is A - B - C - A - B - C - D. Which translates to verse, pre-chorus, chorus, verse 2, pre-chorus, chorus, bridge. I'll call the last part a bridge, but really it's just a different part that had not been introduced in the song earlier.
Here's To Goodbye - Lyrics by Jason Nadon, Copyright 2002.
A
Looking through the looking glass of lies
Looking at a soul with dark brown eyes
The soul sits empty and alone
As you sit each night waiting by the phone
B
But it's too late for you
You already said we're through
and after all I gave to you
you gave me lies
So here's to Goodbye
Here's to Goodbye
C
Goodbye to you
and all your inconsistencies
Goodbye to you
and all the heartache that you've given me
Livin' one dream
but we can't see eye to eye
Goodbye to you
Yeah here's to goodbye
A
Walking away is much easier than it seems
Walking away the person in between
A reason to live is what I've been looking for
The reason I leave is cause I can't take this anymore
B
But it's too late for you
You already said we're through
and after all I gave to you
you gave me lies
So here's to Goodbye
Here's to Goodbye
Goodbye...
C
Goodbye to you
and all your inconsistencies
Goodbye to you
and all the heartache that you've given me
Livin' one dream
but we can't see eye to eye
Goodbye to you
Yeah here's to goodbye
Here's to goodbye
D
Don't be sad
Don't be surprised
Don't be blue
Don't even cry
Don't be sad
Don't be surprised
Don't be blue
Cause it's just goodbye
Outro
Yeah it's just goodbye
Oooh, oooh, oooh
Oooh, oooh, oooh
The song is about bird watching. I was sitting on the patio one day and had a lengthy conversation with a bird. After we spoke, the bird kicked me in the shin, drank my beer and broke my heart. I immediately went inside and wrote down these lyrics.
Damn birds! :)
Sunday, May 24, 2009
The History of "J"... This One Is Gonna Take You Back!
I've been reminiscing lately. Thinking back on the far past, the not so far past and the recent past. I've been trying to analyze actions that lead me to where I am today and how things might be different if I had made different choices.
Don't get me wrong, I have regrets, I think we all do... but I'm fairly happy with where life has taken me so far.
Most of you know that I didn't start public singing until about 1998 when my parents and I visited a local bar that just happened to have this thing called karaoke.
I think my mom knew that I liked to sing, my dad probably did as well. As a kid, I used to lock myself in my room and sing to Beatles songs all day long. Don't get me wrong, I was very social as a child though too.. I played road hockey every day during the summer, we had leagues and I'm sure that I won MVP at least two seasons, one as goalie and one on offense. (we'll save these stories for another blog post) :)
Back to the singing thing.... stop distracting me! LOL.
After lots of pressure from my family (Mom, Dad, Aunt and Uncle) I decided to get up there and give a song a go. At this time I was into rap, but I wasn't about to do any rap at karaoke and oh yea - they didn't have much, but I'll tell you how I worked around that later.
I searched through the book and I found that they had some Travis Tritt, one of my favorite country artists, and so I decided to sing "Help Me Hold On".
I can remember going up to the host and introducing myself. The host was George Goulet and at the time I didn't realize what a large impact he would make on my life. George had two helpers who have also played big roles in building my confidence.
George handed me the mic and I remember trying to stop my hands from shaking. My legs felt weak and I swore I was seconds away from falling.
I'm sure I eek'd out the starting notes, but this was a song I was very familiar with and one that I truly felt emotion in through the lyrics. I don't remember how the whole song went, but at the end I remember that the people clapped. I couldn't believe it, I had made it through the song and apparently people liked it... how could this be?
I came back to the table and everyone commented and gave me a great confidence boost.
Before the night was over I had to try another song, so I started looking in the book and found Elton John's, "Your Song", again another song that I knew well enough to not be terribly scared about messing up and another song that emotionally affected me and made me want to sing it with my heart.
As I left that night I was hooked.
I came back week after week, trying new songs every week and people started to be impressed by how many song genres I knew. That's when I started to reach into the obscure and try and turn people on to songs that they may have never heard before....
These songs included tunes like "Wake Me Up, Before You Go-Go" by Wham, "Twisted" by Keith Sweat, and even "Bust A Move" by Young MC (one of my fav rappers in the early nineties). "Bust A Move" became a crowd favorite and I was made to sing it each and every week as it got everybody up and dancing. George loved my singing, but he also knew how to use me to change the flow of his show.
I can remember walking around in a grocery store downtown Windsor with my cousin and someone walked up to me and said "hey - you're that singer from the Foreman's Club, right? You sing the rap song and that other one..."
First - it was insanely flattering having someone walk up to you and recognize you, let alone for doing something that you love to do! I said "Thanks" gave my usual shy look and moved along with shopping. The compliment pretty much made my day/month/year.
The other song that the person mentioned was one that had come out recently on the radio and was by a newer artist named Ricky Martin. The song was "Livin' La Vida Loca" and as soon as that tune came available on karaoke CD's I made sure that I had it and sang it. I had multiple people tell me that I was the first one that they had heard sing that song, before finally hearing it on the radio. One person even said that I sang it better than Ricky... I assured them that they were just drunk when they heard me sing it, which was more than likely true. :)
Fast forward some time and George had passed away (trust me that I'm not making light of this - if you ever ask anyone in my family about how this affected me, they'll tell you how much I cried when singing at a tribute gathering to George at the Foreman's Club after his passing) and now I was hosting my own gig at the Foreman's Club. It was very cool... I even had my alias up on the mini-marquee.
Back in these days I went by "JDelite" or "J-Delite".
I was creating compilation CD's off all my favorite songs of the year and releasing them to friends (and some Blockbuster shelves) and basically anyone who would listen to them. These CD's were called "J-Delite Presents... The Next Level" and had the year at the end of each title. I still make these each year in case you're ever interested. For several years I even made covers and did all the artwork!
Around the year 2000 I landed a job in the information technology field at Creative Solutions in Dexter, MI. I had some previous offers from companies over in the U.S. before including DexTech and Adval Communications, but CSI would be my best career move ever!
I commuted for the first several months, I had to give up my gig back in Windsor several months before getting the new job at CSI. After a couple months of commuting I ended up moving in with a co-worker, Matt Towers. Matt was a highly musical guy and played guitar, piano and sang! Another co-worker introduced me to a local bar called "The Alley" which just so happen to have karaoke. The Alley became my stomping ground early in 2001. It was a great place for co-workers to get together, have a night full of fun and singing and whatever else may come. :)
Around this same time I started listing myself as a vocalist looking to collaborate with people on the internet on a site called "Tonos". I was able to work with quite a few songwriters that had come up with the songs and just needed a vocalist to lay down the vocal tracks. The internet proved very good for collaboration and still is today.
If you do a search for Simon Read / Tom Rae on Google, you may even find one of the tunes where I did the vocals... here let me do it for you.
Around 2002 I wondered what it would be like to write my own song. I discovered the software from Sonic Foundry called "Acid", which was a song arranger and loop construction product. They had a website called AcidPlanet.com where you could submit your songs, and enter into weekly re-mix contests that they had. I found out tonight that this site is still up and that my artist profile is still in place! Check it out here. What a handsome dude!!! LOL!
Go ahead - check out some of the tunes... these are all me... and Glen Peppers on one of them... I think even my mom is on one of the tracks... called "Motion Alley". "She's His Girl" was the first song written by yours truly. I used Acid for the instrument loops, came up with the vocal melody and lyrics one night while being inspired by heartbreak. :) Heartbreak, pain, sadness, anger, happiness, solitude, love, hate, death... these are all the drivers of great lyrics. Sometimes I wonder if I don't try to self sabotage some areas in my life, unknowingly, to keep me in the creative zone. All I know is that I've had up and downs, but I've been writing lyrics for as long as I can remember, way back I just called them poems.
"She's His Girl" probably wasn't the best song in the world, but man was I proud of it!!
This is also when I learned if you write songs, be prepared to discuss or make up a good lie for where they came from... or who the song was written about. :)
As I learned more about the song writing process and the collaboration process I started really enjoying doing these things. I met up with a co-worker and we were discussing what we were both doing musically and we thought it would be a cool thing to collaborate on a song or two. This co-worker was Andy Valentine and the timeframe was around September 2002. We sent some files back and forth and out came our first idea for a song called "Here's To Goodbye". I met up with Andy soon after in Jackson, MI to record the full song at his place and soon after he sent me over a couple more ideas to work on. "Sad Eyes" was an early favorite of mine, but Andy hated it - or maybe he just knew we could do better. Early 2003 saw us come up with the idea that would be "Simple Days" and we knew that we had something good going on.
Over the next five years Andy and I collaborated on an additional 29 songs.
During that time I not only sang karaoke at The Alley, but eventually hosted it and met some of the nicest people I know. The Alley became "Katie's" and I continued to work with Andy on songs, sing karaoke, turn out Next Level compilation CD's, and collaborate as a vocalist with others. In 2005 my vocals appeared on a Valentine's CD that was released in France and on the site music75.com. The song was written by Lucian Blaga and Dean Taylor. Come to think of it - I've done other vocals for Dean Taylor as well. I almost forgot about those. I met Dean on the "Tonos" website.
Here is a review of the song "Could There Be", written by Blaga/Taylor. I was geeked that I wasn't completely torn apart on this one as the vocals took me some time to get to this standard, which wasn't as good as I'd like them to have been.
Around this time Andy and I found GarageBand.com and posted our music under the band name "The Back Alley Project". We also posted it on SoundClick among others.
We received some great reviews for "Simple Days" - the good, the bad and the ugly can be found here.
In 2006 my Dad passed, I won't lie - many of the songs that Andy and I wrote around this time were influenced by his illness and passing.
Near the end of 2006 I started taking piano lessons from a music student in the Master's program at U of M. Although I really liked it, I didn't stick with it. I did manage to squeak out a song idea called "Thirteen Days" - I'd have to dig around to find that one... but it's funny to think it's me on piano!
Since then Andy and I have been working on and off on recording our first album. It's been a slow process, but I'm not worried, it will get done and I'll be extremely proud of it as it will mark another milestone along the way.
This brings me to this weekend as I work through Jason Blume's "6 Steps To Songwriting Success" book and one of the exercises had me analyze songs of some of my favorite artists. I pulled a John Mayer song called "Love Soon", Glen Phillips "Easier" and James Taylor's "Fire and Rain".
These really got me thinking about the songwriting process and where I'm at musically today and how I've got here. Sure there were many more musical influences that my parents introduced me to, but I really think them taking me to karaoke in '98 started the ball rolling.
As I look to the future I have nothing but positive thoughts. I'm currently taking guitar lessons at Herb David Studio in Ann Arbor and I'm enjoying it. I thrive to learn more about the songwriting process and what it takes to write better songs. I look forward to working with Andy, finishing the first album, and starting our second which should have a much more matured sound and improved songwriting skills, and maybe even me on rhythm guitar in some songs! :)
So if you ever wondered about me on the musical front - you now know way more than you wanted... and I probably missed a bit here or there.
If you weren't totally bored maybe I'll do the same for how I got involved with the web, the cars I've owned, my road hockey career highlights, or a look back on past relationships. Actually scratch that last one.... :)
Don't get me wrong, I have regrets, I think we all do... but I'm fairly happy with where life has taken me so far.
Most of you know that I didn't start public singing until about 1998 when my parents and I visited a local bar that just happened to have this thing called karaoke.
I think my mom knew that I liked to sing, my dad probably did as well. As a kid, I used to lock myself in my room and sing to Beatles songs all day long. Don't get me wrong, I was very social as a child though too.. I played road hockey every day during the summer, we had leagues and I'm sure that I won MVP at least two seasons, one as goalie and one on offense. (we'll save these stories for another blog post) :)
Back to the singing thing.... stop distracting me! LOL.
After lots of pressure from my family (Mom, Dad, Aunt and Uncle) I decided to get up there and give a song a go. At this time I was into rap, but I wasn't about to do any rap at karaoke and oh yea - they didn't have much, but I'll tell you how I worked around that later.
I searched through the book and I found that they had some Travis Tritt, one of my favorite country artists, and so I decided to sing "Help Me Hold On".
I can remember going up to the host and introducing myself. The host was George Goulet and at the time I didn't realize what a large impact he would make on my life. George had two helpers who have also played big roles in building my confidence.
George handed me the mic and I remember trying to stop my hands from shaking. My legs felt weak and I swore I was seconds away from falling.
I'm sure I eek'd out the starting notes, but this was a song I was very familiar with and one that I truly felt emotion in through the lyrics. I don't remember how the whole song went, but at the end I remember that the people clapped. I couldn't believe it, I had made it through the song and apparently people liked it... how could this be?
I came back to the table and everyone commented and gave me a great confidence boost.
Before the night was over I had to try another song, so I started looking in the book and found Elton John's, "Your Song", again another song that I knew well enough to not be terribly scared about messing up and another song that emotionally affected me and made me want to sing it with my heart.
As I left that night I was hooked.
I came back week after week, trying new songs every week and people started to be impressed by how many song genres I knew. That's when I started to reach into the obscure and try and turn people on to songs that they may have never heard before....
These songs included tunes like "Wake Me Up, Before You Go-Go" by Wham, "Twisted" by Keith Sweat, and even "Bust A Move" by Young MC (one of my fav rappers in the early nineties). "Bust A Move" became a crowd favorite and I was made to sing it each and every week as it got everybody up and dancing. George loved my singing, but he also knew how to use me to change the flow of his show.
I can remember walking around in a grocery store downtown Windsor with my cousin and someone walked up to me and said "hey - you're that singer from the Foreman's Club, right? You sing the rap song and that other one..."
First - it was insanely flattering having someone walk up to you and recognize you, let alone for doing something that you love to do! I said "Thanks" gave my usual shy look and moved along with shopping. The compliment pretty much made my day/month/year.
The other song that the person mentioned was one that had come out recently on the radio and was by a newer artist named Ricky Martin. The song was "Livin' La Vida Loca" and as soon as that tune came available on karaoke CD's I made sure that I had it and sang it. I had multiple people tell me that I was the first one that they had heard sing that song, before finally hearing it on the radio. One person even said that I sang it better than Ricky... I assured them that they were just drunk when they heard me sing it, which was more than likely true. :)
Fast forward some time and George had passed away (trust me that I'm not making light of this - if you ever ask anyone in my family about how this affected me, they'll tell you how much I cried when singing at a tribute gathering to George at the Foreman's Club after his passing) and now I was hosting my own gig at the Foreman's Club. It was very cool... I even had my alias up on the mini-marquee.
Back in these days I went by "JDelite" or "J-Delite".
I was creating compilation CD's off all my favorite songs of the year and releasing them to friends (and some Blockbuster shelves) and basically anyone who would listen to them. These CD's were called "J-Delite Presents... The Next Level" and had the year at the end of each title. I still make these each year in case you're ever interested. For several years I even made covers and did all the artwork!
Around the year 2000 I landed a job in the information technology field at Creative Solutions in Dexter, MI. I had some previous offers from companies over in the U.S. before including DexTech and Adval Communications, but CSI would be my best career move ever!
I commuted for the first several months, I had to give up my gig back in Windsor several months before getting the new job at CSI. After a couple months of commuting I ended up moving in with a co-worker, Matt Towers. Matt was a highly musical guy and played guitar, piano and sang! Another co-worker introduced me to a local bar called "The Alley" which just so happen to have karaoke. The Alley became my stomping ground early in 2001. It was a great place for co-workers to get together, have a night full of fun and singing and whatever else may come. :)
Around this same time I started listing myself as a vocalist looking to collaborate with people on the internet on a site called "Tonos". I was able to work with quite a few songwriters that had come up with the songs and just needed a vocalist to lay down the vocal tracks. The internet proved very good for collaboration and still is today.
If you do a search for Simon Read / Tom Rae on Google, you may even find one of the tunes where I did the vocals... here let me do it for you.
Around 2002 I wondered what it would be like to write my own song. I discovered the software from Sonic Foundry called "Acid", which was a song arranger and loop construction product. They had a website called AcidPlanet.com where you could submit your songs, and enter into weekly re-mix contests that they had. I found out tonight that this site is still up and that my artist profile is still in place! Check it out here. What a handsome dude!!! LOL!
Go ahead - check out some of the tunes... these are all me... and Glen Peppers on one of them... I think even my mom is on one of the tracks... called "Motion Alley". "She's His Girl" was the first song written by yours truly. I used Acid for the instrument loops, came up with the vocal melody and lyrics one night while being inspired by heartbreak. :) Heartbreak, pain, sadness, anger, happiness, solitude, love, hate, death... these are all the drivers of great lyrics. Sometimes I wonder if I don't try to self sabotage some areas in my life, unknowingly, to keep me in the creative zone. All I know is that I've had up and downs, but I've been writing lyrics for as long as I can remember, way back I just called them poems.
"She's His Girl" probably wasn't the best song in the world, but man was I proud of it!!
This is also when I learned if you write songs, be prepared to discuss or make up a good lie for where they came from... or who the song was written about. :)
As I learned more about the song writing process and the collaboration process I started really enjoying doing these things. I met up with a co-worker and we were discussing what we were both doing musically and we thought it would be a cool thing to collaborate on a song or two. This co-worker was Andy Valentine and the timeframe was around September 2002. We sent some files back and forth and out came our first idea for a song called "Here's To Goodbye". I met up with Andy soon after in Jackson, MI to record the full song at his place and soon after he sent me over a couple more ideas to work on. "Sad Eyes" was an early favorite of mine, but Andy hated it - or maybe he just knew we could do better. Early 2003 saw us come up with the idea that would be "Simple Days" and we knew that we had something good going on.
Over the next five years Andy and I collaborated on an additional 29 songs.
During that time I not only sang karaoke at The Alley, but eventually hosted it and met some of the nicest people I know. The Alley became "Katie's" and I continued to work with Andy on songs, sing karaoke, turn out Next Level compilation CD's, and collaborate as a vocalist with others. In 2005 my vocals appeared on a Valentine's CD that was released in France and on the site music75.com. The song was written by Lucian Blaga and Dean Taylor. Come to think of it - I've done other vocals for Dean Taylor as well. I almost forgot about those. I met Dean on the "Tonos" website.
Here is a review of the song "Could There Be", written by Blaga/Taylor. I was geeked that I wasn't completely torn apart on this one as the vocals took me some time to get to this standard, which wasn't as good as I'd like them to have been.
Around this time Andy and I found GarageBand.com and posted our music under the band name "The Back Alley Project". We also posted it on SoundClick among others.
We received some great reviews for "Simple Days" - the good, the bad and the ugly can be found here.
In 2006 my Dad passed, I won't lie - many of the songs that Andy and I wrote around this time were influenced by his illness and passing.
Near the end of 2006 I started taking piano lessons from a music student in the Master's program at U of M. Although I really liked it, I didn't stick with it. I did manage to squeak out a song idea called "Thirteen Days" - I'd have to dig around to find that one... but it's funny to think it's me on piano!
Since then Andy and I have been working on and off on recording our first album. It's been a slow process, but I'm not worried, it will get done and I'll be extremely proud of it as it will mark another milestone along the way.
This brings me to this weekend as I work through Jason Blume's "6 Steps To Songwriting Success" book and one of the exercises had me analyze songs of some of my favorite artists. I pulled a John Mayer song called "Love Soon", Glen Phillips "Easier" and James Taylor's "Fire and Rain".
These really got me thinking about the songwriting process and where I'm at musically today and how I've got here. Sure there were many more musical influences that my parents introduced me to, but I really think them taking me to karaoke in '98 started the ball rolling.
As I look to the future I have nothing but positive thoughts. I'm currently taking guitar lessons at Herb David Studio in Ann Arbor and I'm enjoying it. I thrive to learn more about the songwriting process and what it takes to write better songs. I look forward to working with Andy, finishing the first album, and starting our second which should have a much more matured sound and improved songwriting skills, and maybe even me on rhythm guitar in some songs! :)
So if you ever wondered about me on the musical front - you now know way more than you wanted... and I probably missed a bit here or there.
If you weren't totally bored maybe I'll do the same for how I got involved with the web, the cars I've owned, my road hockey career highlights, or a look back on past relationships. Actually scratch that last one.... :)
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Insomnia Strikes Again!
Lots on the brain tonight, just can't sleep. I hate when this happens. The worst part is that this stuff should not be keeping me up. Good thing I'm off work tomorrow.
What do most people do to get to sleep? Do you count sheep? I tried, it didn't work and sheep are kind of weird.
Sleeping pills anyone?
I've heard coffee makes some people sleepy.
Maybe I'll try counting beers. (opens beer)
One.
...
...
...
This is going to take a while...
"Who needs sleep?"
What do most people do to get to sleep? Do you count sheep? I tried, it didn't work and sheep are kind of weird.
Sleeping pills anyone?
I've heard coffee makes some people sleepy.
Maybe I'll try counting beers. (opens beer)
One.
...
...
...
This is going to take a while...
"Who needs sleep?"
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Life Lessons In An Immature Song While Punching French People In The Face....
It's basically a collage of things that I've experienced / learned this week. It's a decent collage though - not like the paper mache (pronounced : "mash", "ay") collages that you used to make in grade school and you'd totally be all proud, but they never made it home in one piece. What a waste of time. And if it was raining.... well good luck, you ended up with a ball of goop and handed to your parents and said "there you go - I did all this for you... hope you enjoy this ball of goopy shit!" as you stormed up to your room.
Dating sucks. That's what I've learned so far... but when you're down, you're friends are there, right? While having a conversation with someone who shall remain nameless I mentioned that I felt a bit weird with someone closer to my age, that I just felt that we were at a different maturity level, to which this person says, "Well, you can't date eleven year olds".... yeah... I told them I would post this - it was line of the night! Good work - you! Thanks for the support... LOL.
I started French courses. This might not be weird for most people, but it is for me - I'm French Canadian for christ's sake! I do know a bit of French, but my company covers Rosetta Stone classes for free - so I'm taking French and damn it, I'm going to be speaking it by the end of the year!
Guitar lessons are going well, I've been practicing almost daily and I'm now singing along while slowly playing "Knockin' On Heaven's Door".... it feels good.
UFC event this weekend... should be quite interesting. Not sure if I'm going to stay home of if I'm going to head out and try and interact with other humans... we'll see - I'm not that social of a person so I may just stay home.
I also have a lot of reading to do this weekend... and I'm almost looking forward to it. :)
Dating sucks. That's what I've learned so far... but when you're down, you're friends are there, right? While having a conversation with someone who shall remain nameless I mentioned that I felt a bit weird with someone closer to my age, that I just felt that we were at a different maturity level, to which this person says, "Well, you can't date eleven year olds".... yeah... I told them I would post this - it was line of the night! Good work - you! Thanks for the support... LOL.
I started French courses. This might not be weird for most people, but it is for me - I'm French Canadian for christ's sake! I do know a bit of French, but my company covers Rosetta Stone classes for free - so I'm taking French and damn it, I'm going to be speaking it by the end of the year!
Guitar lessons are going well, I've been practicing almost daily and I'm now singing along while slowly playing "Knockin' On Heaven's Door".... it feels good.
UFC event this weekend... should be quite interesting. Not sure if I'm going to stay home of if I'm going to head out and try and interact with other humans... we'll see - I'm not that social of a person so I may just stay home.
I also have a lot of reading to do this weekend... and I'm almost looking forward to it. :)
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Leary Reminds Me
I forgot about this tune, but found it while I was importing songs into iTunes.
Asshole - Dennis Leary (how did he know??!?)
Folks, I'd like to sing a song about the American Dream
About me, about you
About the way our American hearts beat way down in the bottom of our chests
About that special feeling we get in the cockles of our hearts
Maybe below the cockles,
Maybe in the sub cockle area,
Maybe in the liver, maybe in the kidneys,
Maybe even in the colon, we don't know
I'm just a regular Joe, with a regular job
I'm your average white, suburbanite slob
I like football and porno and books about war
I got an average house, with a nice hardwood floor
My wife and my job, my kids and my car
My feet on my table, and a Cuban cigar
But sometimes that just ain't enough to keep a man like me interested
(Oh no, no way, uh uh)
No I gotta go out and have fun at someone else's expense
(Whoa, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
I drive really slow in the ultra fast lane
While people behind me are going insane
I'm an asshole (he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (he's an asshole, such an asshole)
I use public toilets and I piss on the seat
I walk around in the summer time saying "how about this heat?"
I'm an asshole (he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (he's the world's biggest asshole)
Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces
While handicapped people make handicapped faces
I'm an asshole (he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (he's a real fucking asshole)
Maybe I shouldn't be singing this song
Ranting and raving and carrying on
Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong...
Nah
I'm an asshole (he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (he's the world's biggest asshole)
You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac Eldorado convertible
Hot pink, with whale skin hubcaps
And all leather cow interior
And big brown baby seal eyes for head lights (yeah)
And I'm gonna drive in that baby at 115 miles per hour
Gettin' 1 mile per gallon,
Sucking down Quarter Pounder cheeseburgers from McDonald's
In the old fashioned non-biodegradable styrofoam containers
And when I'm done sucking down those greaseball burgers
I'm gonna wipe my mouth with the American flag
And then I'm gonna toss the styrofoam containers right out the side
And there ain't a goddamn thing anybody can do about it
You know why, because we've got the bomb, that's why
Two words, nuclear fucking weapons, OK?
Russia, Germany, Romania, they can have all the democracy they want
They can have a big democracy cakewalk
Right through the middle of Tiananmen Square
And it won't make a lick of difference
Because we've got the bombs, OK?
John Wayne's not dead, he's frozen
And as soon as we find a cure for cancer
We're gonna thaw out the Duke and he's gonna be pretty pissed off
You know why
Have you ever taken a cold shower?
Well multiply that by 15 million times
That's how pissed off the Duke's gonna be!
I'm gonna get the Duke, and John Cassavetes
And Lee Marvin, and Sam Peckinpah, and a case of whiskey
And drive down to Texas and
(Hey! You know, you really are an asshole!)
Why don't you just shut up and sing the song, pal?
I'm an asshole (he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (he's the world's biggest asshole)
A-S-S-H-O-L-E
Everybody
A-S-S-H-O-L-E
I'm an asshole, and I'm proud of it.
Asshole - Dennis Leary (how did he know??!?)
Folks, I'd like to sing a song about the American Dream
About me, about you
About the way our American hearts beat way down in the bottom of our chests
About that special feeling we get in the cockles of our hearts
Maybe below the cockles,
Maybe in the sub cockle area,
Maybe in the liver, maybe in the kidneys,
Maybe even in the colon, we don't know
I'm just a regular Joe, with a regular job
I'm your average white, suburbanite slob
I like football and porno and books about war
I got an average house, with a nice hardwood floor
My wife and my job, my kids and my car
My feet on my table, and a Cuban cigar
But sometimes that just ain't enough to keep a man like me interested
(Oh no, no way, uh uh)
No I gotta go out and have fun at someone else's expense
(Whoa, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
I drive really slow in the ultra fast lane
While people behind me are going insane
I'm an asshole (he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (he's an asshole, such an asshole)
I use public toilets and I piss on the seat
I walk around in the summer time saying "how about this heat?"
I'm an asshole (he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (he's the world's biggest asshole)
Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces
While handicapped people make handicapped faces
I'm an asshole (he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (he's a real fucking asshole)
Maybe I shouldn't be singing this song
Ranting and raving and carrying on
Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong...
Nah
I'm an asshole (he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (he's the world's biggest asshole)
You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac Eldorado convertible
Hot pink, with whale skin hubcaps
And all leather cow interior
And big brown baby seal eyes for head lights (yeah)
And I'm gonna drive in that baby at 115 miles per hour
Gettin' 1 mile per gallon,
Sucking down Quarter Pounder cheeseburgers from McDonald's
In the old fashioned non-biodegradable styrofoam containers
And when I'm done sucking down those greaseball burgers
I'm gonna wipe my mouth with the American flag
And then I'm gonna toss the styrofoam containers right out the side
And there ain't a goddamn thing anybody can do about it
You know why, because we've got the bomb, that's why
Two words, nuclear fucking weapons, OK?
Russia, Germany, Romania, they can have all the democracy they want
They can have a big democracy cakewalk
Right through the middle of Tiananmen Square
And it won't make a lick of difference
Because we've got the bombs, OK?
John Wayne's not dead, he's frozen
And as soon as we find a cure for cancer
We're gonna thaw out the Duke and he's gonna be pretty pissed off
You know why
Have you ever taken a cold shower?
Well multiply that by 15 million times
That's how pissed off the Duke's gonna be!
I'm gonna get the Duke, and John Cassavetes
And Lee Marvin, and Sam Peckinpah, and a case of whiskey
And drive down to Texas and
(Hey! You know, you really are an asshole!)
Why don't you just shut up and sing the song, pal?
I'm an asshole (he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (he's the world's biggest asshole)
A-S-S-H-O-L-E
Everybody
A-S-S-H-O-L-E
I'm an asshole, and I'm proud of it.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
New Chooze
In the continuing effort to deliver the worst of commercials to my readers I offer Exhibit A:
https://www.obamashoes.tv
I saw a commercial for this site today. I laughed for 2 minutes and 33 seconds before posting this...
https://www.obamashoes.tv
I saw a commercial for this site today. I laughed for 2 minutes and 33 seconds before posting this...
Saturday, May 9, 2009
This Weekend
Rolled back into town late last night... headed right to the Eagles after checkin' in with Beckster. Shit shootin' began, sang a couple quick tunes, sipped down a couple chocolate milks, aka Caucasians, and the night had officially been declared a success.
Stopped at the TA where the Marinara ate cheese sticks while ninjas looked on in amazement. TA was awesome - it always is - I highly recommend it.
Woke up this morning and realized that everything around my house was green. That sucks... it means that yard work and lots of it looms on the horizon.
Yohey picked me up at the rental car place, quick stop at the Eagles to grab raffle tickets for the Harley and have a very, very cold Oberon.
Guitar lesson at 3pm - rocked. Learned new stuff, which I'll get to practice all this week
.
DiGiorno Stuffed Crust for dinner - it's the bomb bitches!! Couple of Sunset Wheat appetizers. Yum!
Internet, email, laundry, cleaning, feeding of the cats and watched "Doubt". I "Doubt" I'll ever see another movie that wastes my time so efficiently.
Tomorrow is Mother's Day... gotta do the good son thang and head back for some quality time. Not sure what I'm going to get her yet. I'm sure I'll think of something heartfelt and thoughtful. Something that brings a tear to her eye, and reminds her that I was worth all the pain of childbirth. :)
Along with Mother's Day - I'm implementing / declaring that anything that starts with Mother can also be celebrated. I can't wait to say Happy Motherfucker's Day to somebody tomorrow!!!
Until next time - suck a grape.
(Wow - that was rude... not sure where that came from... sorry - I take that back... close out the post anyway that you would like to... here I'll leave it blank)
Until next time - ___________
Love Me.
Stopped at the TA where the Marinara ate cheese sticks while ninjas looked on in amazement. TA was awesome - it always is - I highly recommend it.
Woke up this morning and realized that everything around my house was green. That sucks... it means that yard work and lots of it looms on the horizon.
Yohey picked me up at the rental car place, quick stop at the Eagles to grab raffle tickets for the Harley and have a very, very cold Oberon.
Guitar lesson at 3pm - rocked. Learned new stuff, which I'll get to practice all this week
.
DiGiorno Stuffed Crust for dinner - it's the bomb bitches!! Couple of Sunset Wheat appetizers. Yum!
Internet, email, laundry, cleaning, feeding of the cats and watched "Doubt". I "Doubt" I'll ever see another movie that wastes my time so efficiently.
Tomorrow is Mother's Day... gotta do the good son thang and head back for some quality time. Not sure what I'm going to get her yet. I'm sure I'll think of something heartfelt and thoughtful. Something that brings a tear to her eye, and reminds her that I was worth all the pain of childbirth. :)
Along with Mother's Day - I'm implementing / declaring that anything that starts with Mother can also be celebrated. I can't wait to say Happy Motherfucker's Day to somebody tomorrow!!!
Until next time - suck a grape.
(Wow - that was rude... not sure where that came from... sorry - I take that back... close out the post anyway that you would like to... here I'll leave it blank)
Until next time - ___________
Love Me.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
I Probably Offended A Person Or Two Last Night...
Who's the effin' man?
Me - that's who! Last night was pretty interesting. I really wasn't feeling like going out - in fact I commented on it earlier in the day to Valentine. He told me to take a shower and get the sand out of my vagina and buck up and enjoy the day like a man.
It worked.
I went and watched the Texas Rangers game in a local pub, had some local beer (Shiner x 4) and then went to the cocktail reception. I forgot to eat, but had about another 4 Dos Equis. I also found out that you're not supposed to have these with lime and I think the bartender called me a moron in spanish... that's ok though.
After that - people wanted to go out and drink... by this time I was completely up for it.
I met up with a guy that hated me and we walked to the "Flying Saucer" bar, a place that my boss had mentioned had really great shirts and booze. Once again I strayed away from where everyone was (I'm a leader, not a follower....) stopped by the bar where they had approximately 60 taps - which reminded me of Ashley's. I was hooked. I had a couple local Rahr's and Son brewskies... Pale Ale, Scotch Ale, and something else. I noticed that a hot selling beer had a logo that was an 80's throwback of a hand/glove... it turned out to be Left Hand Milk Stout. I drank it... it was good.
By this time my boss had emailed me and a couple other managers had called me to find out where I was - they were at another bar called the Fox and the Hound.
I quickly payed my tab, asked the bartender for a large t-shirt, the most vulger one they had (for my boss) and headed to catch up with the other folks.
It turned out to be pretty close, I got there and shot the shit with those folks for a bit, talked work, talked about what we were hoping to get from the conference and basically just had a cool time.
On the way back to the hotel, I think I yelled at some people... it's fine though - nobody looked at me weird today.
Me - that's who! Last night was pretty interesting. I really wasn't feeling like going out - in fact I commented on it earlier in the day to Valentine. He told me to take a shower and get the sand out of my vagina and buck up and enjoy the day like a man.
It worked.
I went and watched the Texas Rangers game in a local pub, had some local beer (Shiner x 4) and then went to the cocktail reception. I forgot to eat, but had about another 4 Dos Equis. I also found out that you're not supposed to have these with lime and I think the bartender called me a moron in spanish... that's ok though.
After that - people wanted to go out and drink... by this time I was completely up for it.
I met up with a guy that hated me and we walked to the "Flying Saucer" bar, a place that my boss had mentioned had really great shirts and booze. Once again I strayed away from where everyone was (I'm a leader, not a follower....) stopped by the bar where they had approximately 60 taps - which reminded me of Ashley's. I was hooked. I had a couple local Rahr's and Son brewskies... Pale Ale, Scotch Ale, and something else. I noticed that a hot selling beer had a logo that was an 80's throwback of a hand/glove... it turned out to be Left Hand Milk Stout. I drank it... it was good.
By this time my boss had emailed me and a couple other managers had called me to find out where I was - they were at another bar called the Fox and the Hound.
I quickly payed my tab, asked the bartender for a large t-shirt, the most vulger one they had (for my boss) and headed to catch up with the other folks.
It turned out to be pretty close, I got there and shot the shit with those folks for a bit, talked work, talked about what we were hoping to get from the conference and basically just had a cool time.
On the way back to the hotel, I think I yelled at some people... it's fine though - nobody looked at me weird today.
Monday, May 4, 2009
We Will, We Will, Rockwall!
Rockwall, TX is where me lay me wee head tonight.
I bolted out of Blytheville, Arkansas this morning around 9:30am or so... there were no tears, I won't miss it.
The weather was a bit overcast, but I made great time.
Here are some highlights of the road...
AR has a lot of "Rest Inn" hotels... which made me think that if I was to stay at one and someone asked where I was I could tell them I was at "Rest Inn" - to which I'm sure they would reply something like "nice - I don't care what you're doing, I asked where you were at!"
On the road I passed this truck with fake animals on it... it was really frickin' cool.
I drove through Palastine, AR... it was such an interesting place I thought I would attach the link to the Wikipedia site. Seriously though, there were houses off the side of the road that had people living in them and they shouldn't have they were in such bad shape... dangerous even. This is one of the many reasons I like driving instead of flying... I get to experience a bit more of how people across this great country live.. it's sobering at times and always educational... I truly enjoy it.
As I noticed the housing situation degrade I noticed an increase in churches... and I'm not talking small churches, these were some of the largest I've ever seen. By the time I hit Little Rock - I seen one of the largest churches along the way. I've located some pics. It's not like they will ever compare to the giant Jesus / God figure jumping out at you in Ohio off of I-75 right near Dayton. That one is crazy...
One of the church's names caught my eye - "Word Aflame" - holy shit! - I found the link! You can click on the picture of the building and you'll barely make out their logo which is an image of a bible with a flame at the top, it kind of looks like a burning bible, which struck me as odd.
By this time I was surfing radio stations and being quite entertained. I noticed that quite a few businesses in the south start with someone's name. Billy's BBQ, Bo's BBQ, Stubbie's BBQ were a few of the BBQ places I seen.
I was also very impressed as I drove through Benton, AR. Apparently "Landers and Sons" owns this whole frickin' town!! Check the site. They had no fewer than 4 dealerships, including a GM dealership, a Ford dealership, a Hummer dealership and a Harley Davidson dealership!! There was an RV dealership - I would bet money it was theirs as well. I didn't stop at McDonald's in Benton because I didn't feel the need to give the Landers crew any more money. :)
On the way out of AR, I noticed a town called Arkadelphia. No shit. I was looking all over for a Arkroit or a Arkanageles, but couldn't find either.
Fate -- not Fate, TX, told me that I should stop in Sulphor Springs, TX for lunch. I stopped to grab gas and a gentleman with a very nice gold watch and grillz on his teeth came up to me and asked if I would be willing to help him out. He had come into town looking for work and now he couldn't make it back home to Mount Pleasant / Mount Vernon as he was almost out of fuel... I pondered a mere second and handed over $10. The guy was shocked and very appreciative. He pulled his car up right next to mine and put the ten dollars in ... he came over to shake my hand a second time as he was getting ready to leave, I told him to have a good day and he said that I had "made his.." - this is exactly why I give to those who ask for it. If I have it and you need it more than I do - I'll gladly give it to you. This will also likely be the way that I die... I am a bit too trusting of a person and I'm sure it will bite me in the ass someday, but that's ok - I'd rather take the chance. Once again - you can't experience things like this flying everywhere.
The one thing I noticed in Texas was that the housing situation took a sharp increase into television-like mansions / ranches. Here's a shot from the window at one of the smaller ones - it was "close" to the road, so that's why I grabbed it.
So - now I'm sitting in my hotel room, I practiced guitar earlier for about thirty minutes and I'm bored. Oh wait - my Domino's Pasta Bowl just arrived, it was the only place that would deliver....
Ohhhh well.
All in all a pretty good day wouldn't you agree?
I bolted out of Blytheville, Arkansas this morning around 9:30am or so... there were no tears, I won't miss it.
The weather was a bit overcast, but I made great time.
Here are some highlights of the road...
AR has a lot of "Rest Inn" hotels... which made me think that if I was to stay at one and someone asked where I was I could tell them I was at "Rest Inn" - to which I'm sure they would reply something like "nice - I don't care what you're doing, I asked where you were at!"
On the road I passed this truck with fake animals on it... it was really frickin' cool.
I drove through Palastine, AR... it was such an interesting place I thought I would attach the link to the Wikipedia site. Seriously though, there were houses off the side of the road that had people living in them and they shouldn't have they were in such bad shape... dangerous even. This is one of the many reasons I like driving instead of flying... I get to experience a bit more of how people across this great country live.. it's sobering at times and always educational... I truly enjoy it.
As I noticed the housing situation degrade I noticed an increase in churches... and I'm not talking small churches, these were some of the largest I've ever seen. By the time I hit Little Rock - I seen one of the largest churches along the way. I've located some pics. It's not like they will ever compare to the giant Jesus / God figure jumping out at you in Ohio off of I-75 right near Dayton. That one is crazy...
One of the church's names caught my eye - "Word Aflame" - holy shit! - I found the link! You can click on the picture of the building and you'll barely make out their logo which is an image of a bible with a flame at the top, it kind of looks like a burning bible, which struck me as odd.
By this time I was surfing radio stations and being quite entertained. I noticed that quite a few businesses in the south start with someone's name. Billy's BBQ, Bo's BBQ, Stubbie's BBQ were a few of the BBQ places I seen.
I was also very impressed as I drove through Benton, AR. Apparently "Landers and Sons" owns this whole frickin' town!! Check the site. They had no fewer than 4 dealerships, including a GM dealership, a Ford dealership, a Hummer dealership and a Harley Davidson dealership!! There was an RV dealership - I would bet money it was theirs as well. I didn't stop at McDonald's in Benton because I didn't feel the need to give the Landers crew any more money. :)
On the way out of AR, I noticed a town called Arkadelphia. No shit. I was looking all over for a Arkroit or a Arkanageles, but couldn't find either.
Fate -- not Fate, TX, told me that I should stop in Sulphor Springs, TX for lunch. I stopped to grab gas and a gentleman with a very nice gold watch and grillz on his teeth came up to me and asked if I would be willing to help him out. He had come into town looking for work and now he couldn't make it back home to Mount Pleasant / Mount Vernon as he was almost out of fuel... I pondered a mere second and handed over $10. The guy was shocked and very appreciative. He pulled his car up right next to mine and put the ten dollars in ... he came over to shake my hand a second time as he was getting ready to leave, I told him to have a good day and he said that I had "made his.." - this is exactly why I give to those who ask for it. If I have it and you need it more than I do - I'll gladly give it to you. This will also likely be the way that I die... I am a bit too trusting of a person and I'm sure it will bite me in the ass someday, but that's ok - I'd rather take the chance. Once again - you can't experience things like this flying everywhere.
The one thing I noticed in Texas was that the housing situation took a sharp increase into television-like mansions / ranches. Here's a shot from the window at one of the smaller ones - it was "close" to the road, so that's why I grabbed it.
So - now I'm sitting in my hotel room, I practiced guitar earlier for about thirty minutes and I'm bored. Oh wait - my Domino's Pasta Bowl just arrived, it was the only place that would deliver....
Ohhhh well.
All in all a pretty good day wouldn't you agree?
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Greetings From Blytheville!!
What do you mean you don't know where Blytheville, AR is ...?!?!?!
It's only the best place in the world on route to Texas, bitches!!
Ok - maybe not. But it's where I've decided to lay my weary head for some rest this evening.
I have made great time and I'll actually have quite a bit to burn as I only have about 8 hours of driving to get to Fort Worth and I don't *have* to be there until Tuesday at 5pm.
Hopefully the sun will come out tomorrow and maybe I can get some pics.
There is something great about road trips - I have a love / hate relationship with them though. It gives me great time to get in my own head and really work things out. The problem is when I get in there - it's a pretty scary fucking place. There were a couple of occasions that I almost drove off the road it scared me so much!
In all honesty though - it gave me some time to think about things in my life, I jotted down some ideas for a couple songs (actually I'm about 75% done the lyrics on the first one as I started to write it as soon as I got in the hotel) and hey - where else can you see a plethora of fireworks and porn shops other than along the side of any american highway!! I always laugh because the porn shops are much busier than the fireworks stores... wonder why? :)
I'm going to open up a combination fireworks / porn shop and blow the world's mind!!!
I think I might call it "Whack Attack at the Boom Boom Shack". I'm not sure that I should have typed that...
You think differently of me now, don't you?
I know what you're saying - "Jason - you're on a computer, edits are pretty easy dude!"
You're wrong! Many years ago, in a network segment far, far away, I told myself that when I blogged I would just let it flow. Whatever came out, came out and stayed out.
I've kinda hosed myself on that one... maybe I can get really drunk tonight and convince myself otherwise.... until then - my insanity is for your enjoyment.
You know that there is going to have to come a day when I'm going to have to delete this shit, right?
Yeah... well - it's not today....
If you're one of the priveledged few to have my number - you should hit me up via text or give me a call... I'm pretty bored.... I'm in fuckin' Blytheville!!!!
It's only the best place in the world on route to Texas, bitches!!
Ok - maybe not. But it's where I've decided to lay my weary head for some rest this evening.
I have made great time and I'll actually have quite a bit to burn as I only have about 8 hours of driving to get to Fort Worth and I don't *have* to be there until Tuesday at 5pm.
Hopefully the sun will come out tomorrow and maybe I can get some pics.
There is something great about road trips - I have a love / hate relationship with them though. It gives me great time to get in my own head and really work things out. The problem is when I get in there - it's a pretty scary fucking place. There were a couple of occasions that I almost drove off the road it scared me so much!
In all honesty though - it gave me some time to think about things in my life, I jotted down some ideas for a couple songs (actually I'm about 75% done the lyrics on the first one as I started to write it as soon as I got in the hotel) and hey - where else can you see a plethora of fireworks and porn shops other than along the side of any american highway!! I always laugh because the porn shops are much busier than the fireworks stores... wonder why? :)
I'm going to open up a combination fireworks / porn shop and blow the world's mind!!!
I think I might call it "Whack Attack at the Boom Boom Shack". I'm not sure that I should have typed that...
You think differently of me now, don't you?
I know what you're saying - "Jason - you're on a computer, edits are pretty easy dude!"
You're wrong! Many years ago, in a network segment far, far away, I told myself that when I blogged I would just let it flow. Whatever came out, came out and stayed out.
I've kinda hosed myself on that one... maybe I can get really drunk tonight and convince myself otherwise.... until then - my insanity is for your enjoyment.
You know that there is going to have to come a day when I'm going to have to delete this shit, right?
Yeah... well - it's not today....
If you're one of the priveledged few to have my number - you should hit me up via text or give me a call... I'm pretty bored.... I'm in fuckin' Blytheville!!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)